Reiki (Part 2-Philosophy)

                                          Reiki (Part 2-Philosophy)
As described in earlier post also, Reiki is not associated with any  material which is visible, nor does it have shape, nor name. There exists one Supreme Being, the Absolute Infinite, a Dynamic Force that governs the world and whole universe. It is an unseen spiritual power that vibrates which is unfathomable, immeasurable, and being a Universal Life force, it is incomprehensible to man. Yet, every single living being is receiving its blessing daily, awake or asleep,
Different teachers and masters call it the Great Spirit; the Universal Life Force; Life Energy because when applied, it visualizes the whole system; Ether Wave because it soothes pain and puts you into deep slumber as if under an anesthetic; and the Cosmic Wave because it radiates vibrations of exultant feeling and lifts you into harmony.
Reiki is a radionic wave like of radio. It could be applied locally or, as in short wave, a distant treatment could also be successfully executed. Reiki does not destroy delicate tissues or nerves, it is absolutely harmless or has got no negative side-effects. It should be applied and used daily as prevention. God gave us hands to use them to apply and heal, to retain physical health and mental balance, to free ourselves from ignorance and live in an enlightened world, to live in harmony with ourselves and others, and love all being.
When these rules are applied daily, the body shall respond and all we wish and desire to attain in this world is within reach---health, happiness and the road to longevity. Being a universal life force, from the Great Diving Spirit, Reiki belongs to all who seek and desire to learn the art of healing.

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Reiki (The Healing Touch)

                                     Reiki (The Healing Touch)
 

Before going through its depth, firstly its very important to know what “REIKI” means. The term Reiki means Universal Life Force Energy. It is defined as the power which acts and lives in all created living matter. That means we all do possess Reiki power inherent within us. Actually, Reiki is made by two parts REI and KI. Rei describes the universal boundless aspect of the energy while Ki stands for the vital life force energy which flows through all living beings. It is one of the highest form of energy in existence. It can be said as the life force.
Reiki is for all people of all religion, gender, caste, tribe, morals and ethics. It doesn’t describe any particular religion of ethical values neither it holds no creed or doctrine. It has nothing to do with spiritualism or the occult in any shape or form.

--Reiki—A Holistic Medicine:
The adjective holistic is derived from the ancient Greek word “holos” which means “whole”. Interest in the holistic approach to medicine was revived in the early 1970s. Holistic Medicine is an alternative medicine technique with natural methods, alternative to a scientific approach that attempts to understand all phenomena including human beings by reducing them to their most basic biological processes. Holistic medicine does not reject or neglect the need for swift and sophisticated medical or surgical actions, but does emphasize health promotion, and patient education. Its objective is somewhat like “Prevention is better than cure”. Apart from relying or depending in modern medicinal tools, holistic medicine welcomes all the techniques which have been developed in various culture in the run of time. Thus, it makes use of a variety of therapeutic approaches. These approaches are termed as ( Alternative Medicine like Homeopathy, Ayurveda,  Acupuncture etc). We have an enormous internal potential which is making us healthy by balancing the aura. Holistic medicine does have many approaches but some major are as follows:
1) Humanistic medicine, which emphasizes the relationship between physicians and patients, and the psychological and spiritual development of both the patient and physician.
2) Psychosomatic medicine, which is concerned with the interdependence and mutual influence of psychological and physical factors.
3) Behavioural medicine, which stresses the psychological and social causes and effects of illness or particular ailment.

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Body Language (Part-VII)

                                Body Language (Part-VII)

Territorial Gestures:
People leaning against objects or other people, claim territorial rights on them, showing thereby their dominance. When a person touches a property, it becomes an extension of his body, thereby staking a claim on it. Lover may have their arms around their beloveds, business executives may place their feet on their desk or lean against their office doorway. A person can intimidate another person by his territory.

Ownership Gestures:
People in high positions use the ownership gesture more frequently. The leg-over-chair gesture signifies the person’s ownership of the particular chair and reflects his easy-going, relaxed and carefree attitude. This may show his lack of concern, when he adopts this gesture in front of a person who is seated before him with a problem. If the chair has no arms, it is quite likely that the person may plant both his feet on the desk, thus claiming ownership.

Mirror Images:
A person with gestures and postures identical to the person with whom he is talking, denotes mutual liking and that he is in agreement with him in matters concerning both. Sometimes, identical gestures reflect a non-verbal challenge. An employee may copy his boss’s gestures to influence a face-to-face encounter, as this puts the boss in a receptive and relaxed frame of mind.

Spatial zones:
Interpersonal space zones have been created by humans to mark and identify specific areas while interacting with or defending themselves against other individuals. The five interpersonal spatial zones, which tend to vary when people from other cultures meet, are:
1. Close intimate zone  (0 inches-6inches)
2. Intimate Zone  (6 in- 1.5 feet)
3. Personal Zone  (1.5 ft- 4 ft)
4. Social Zone  (4ft-12ft)
5. Public Zone  (over 12ft)

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How to Build a Positive Self-Esteem

                                  How To Build A Positive Self-Esteem!

When the matter of developing personality comes, we can never exclude the topic of self-esteem or confidence. According to Oxford Dictionary, Self-esteem is the confidence  in one's own worth or abilities. This is having faith in oneself or on whatever we do. To build a positive self-esteem is very important for total personality development. For an instance, instead we have ocean of knowledge, we know a lot of things but if we do not have self-esteem of self-confidence then we can't express our talents before others, hence it lies dormant inside or within us which is equivalent to nothing or we know nothing. So, what will be the importance of us being knowledgeble or what that kind of wisdom worth? Therefore, to develop our personality as a whole, self-esteem is the inevitable tool. From what i have learnt from Shiv Khera's book entitled " YOU CAN WIN ", i am going to give some keypoints here on how to build a positive self-esteem.

     Initially, I am touched by one saying in this book that "If you want to build a positive self-esteem quickly, one of the fastest way is to do something for those people who can't repay you back in any kind". Or, simply help those people without the expectation of getting anything back for your help. Involve yourself in social works, volunteer for disabled of poor people. Shiv Khera has very nicely described the power of attitude in this book so i experience that building positive self esteem finally leads to positive attitude which in turn make the way for achieving success making you a winner.

Thinking like "this is my life, i will do and can do whatever i like", is one of the phrase which does more damage or bad than good. So, inspite of whatever we are, our position, we shall always making our mind for gaining positive and productive thinking. Helping those who cannot pay you not only makes you feel good internally but also increase your popularity among self. Acutually, in this era, people are running so much for earning money, property that they are forgetting to know who they are indeed. In this race, either they earn money but they are losing the invaluables i.e. their health, relationship, and most importantly internal peace of mind. Diseases like diabetes, hypertension, depression, bipolar, schizophrenia are not only due to genetic transformation but these external causes are also hidden factors. We dont have time to calm our mind by meditating, practicing yoga, exercising. WORK WORK and again WORK. We are ready to take allopathic medications whole life, but we simply forget a simple quote "Prevention is better than cure". I am talking all of these here because all these topics are interlinked or interrelated.

  In his book, Shiv mentions that, there are two kinds of people in this world- givers and takers. "Takers eat well and Givers sleep well".  Please read this quote once more. This has a very powerful meaning and potential. Yes! takers are well eaters. They eat until it burst out from belly but givers on the other hand sleeps with peace and internal freedom. Although, givers can suffer from starvation, they can sleep well, we can join this phrase with the incident of Lord Gautama Buddha. If food, clothes and shealter would be the ultimate power or need of human beings, why did BUDDHA left all of these as he was the prince? He could get whatever he wanted or liked but he had left his kingdom and his new born son for the sake of what? Yah! peace of mind, internal freedom. So, it is verified from here too that how much important internal freedom and internal peace means and how much it is needed for us. Please think about this. Shiv also mentions that givers have high self-esteem, positive attitude, and keen interest in serving the society. As human beings, by nature, we all have the faculty of giving and taking or mutual help. But, a healthy personality with high self-esteem is one that not only has its need to take but also to give. Here is an example from the book "YOU CAN WIN" which really worth a lot.

 A man was washing his new car when his neighbour asked him," When did you get the car?" He replied, "My brother gifted it to me." The neighbour said, " I wish i had a car like that." The man replied," You should wish to have a brother like that." The neighbour's wife was listening to the whole conversation and she interrupted, " I wish i was a brother like that." What a positive way to think!

So, to build personality, internal peace as well as positive self-esteem, the only keypoint is "GIVE SOMETHING FOR WHICH YOU ARE NOT WILLING TO BE PAID". 

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PERSONALITY DEVELOPMENT- LAW OF ATTRACTION-I

                   PERSONALITY DEVELOPMENT- LAW OF ATTRACTION-I


As i am describing in all of my posts or articles that personality development is the only tool which beings success and prosperity in life. And the master of controlling what we do and what we are doing is hold on the ultimate organ "THE BRAIN". So, to raise the attraction potential or to be attractive also it plays a significant role. While doing this process, actually we will be developing our personality indeed.
It is clear what the law of attraction is all about: to choice a mate best suited by their skill to endure although it is not their only factor when determining the human match. It leaves great deal for leeway for those people have not found the niche with associates of the opposite sex. Yet there are some techniques that can be used to exponentially increase the impending attraction.


Attraction tip #1 - Dressing for Success - It is easy to forget that over the lessons of the day, the way a person presents themselves will determine how others' opinions of them will help or hinder in finding a mate.. It is important that people take pride in themselves. Remember the old saying... first impressions are everything. There is no second chance to make an impression. A person forms their opinion of you based on how you look, not what matters on the
inside. Select attire that are relaxed but fit you well and in style plus colors that are gratifying to the person. Anyone can create an optimistic feeling to those of the opposite sex. If you feel like you need a little help in this area, a sales clerk at a retail-clothing store can help in selecting clothing that is just right for a person. Many have been in the industry for a long time so they are pleased to lend their experience in putting their customers in clothing that suits them and putting their foot in the doorway of attraction. This also helps them in getting customers to return to their shop.


Attraction Tip #2 - Get a Hobby - With today's busy lifestyle, most of it revolving around work. Not many people have a hobby anymore, with them focusing all their time on work. Work does not give us an enormous deal of time to talk with other people. But getting a hobby increases those chances dramatically. It shows others that you have something other than work in your life. You don't want to be remembered as a workaholic.

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Body Language (Part-VI-Courtship Gestures)

           BODY LANGUAGE (PART -VI--COURTSHIP GESTURES)


As like in determining the behaviour, attitude, thinking pattern, body language is also important in expressing and pointing the gestures of courtship or attraction. To be attracted to opposite gender or to attract the opposite, personality development is the only tool to make the first and foremost impression whatever be the motto of attraction or being attracted.


Male Courtship Gestures:
Men like to preen (making oneself look attractive) when they see a woman approaching them and one can find them straightening their tie or collar or brushing away imaginary dust from their shoulder or rearranging their coat or shirt or hair. A male may show his aggressive sexual display by the thumbs-in-belt gesture that focuses on his genital region or he could turn his body towards the female and point his foot at her or hold her gaze intimately for longer period of time with his pupils dilated. A man with his hands on his hips shows off his physique and his willingness to get involved with the female in front of him. While leaning against the wall or when seated, he might spread out his legs to attract attention.


Female Courtship Gestures:
Women also like to preen more than a man do. They touch their hair, smooth their clothes, place one or both hands on hips, point a foot towards the male, gaze intimately for a long duration. Women like to toss their hair back from over the shoulder or away from their face. An interested female will expose the soft, smooth skin of her wrist, considered to be one of the highly erotic areas of the whole body. While sitting or standing may keep her leg wider than normal when a male comes. She may hold his gaze, with her eyelids partially drooping, long enough for him to notice, before she looks away. She may wet her lips, denoting sexual invitation. A woman may tuck one leg under the other and point the knee to the person she is interested in. The leg twine or the crossing of one leg over the other is the most enticing body language in sitting position that a woman can take to attract attention.


**These are some basic gestures or body language relating to courtship or attraction**

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Forensic Handwriting Analysis

                             Forensic Handwriting Analysis

 Well, we all are familiar what the terminology "forensic" means. Oxford Concise Dictionary defines "forensic" as relating to or denoting the application of scientific methods and techniques to the investigation of crime.This means it has a very important role in investigating crime and make the way to find truths. There are various ways and tools of forensic science, one of them is forensic handwriting analysis. As the title suggests, it means determining the suspect of a crime with the help of handwriting analysis. So,apart from personality development, handwriting analysis got more fields to focus.

For example:Crime scene investigators (CSI's) find a suicide note at the scene of a homicide. How do they know if the deceased is the person that wrote the note or if the note was written by somebody else?

This job is not as easy as it sounds. Here also comes the power of handwriting analysis, i have described in my previous articles about how one can analyze handwriting perfectly and all those techniques are the key-points in forensic handwriting analysis also. But some major topics i want to elaborate here too. Suicide, Murder, Homicide etc are negative personality traits.When making comparisons between two handwritten documents, a forensic handwriting analyst looks for points of consistency and points of discrepancy between the known handwriting standards and the questioned document. The forensic scientist looks for the following:

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Body Language (Part-V)

                                          BODY LANGUAGE (Part-V)

1) Eye Signals:

As like other parts of body like limbs, heads, eyes also have great impact and effect in determining body language. Eyes are termed as the windows to one’s souls. They reveal the most accurate of all human communication signals. On a person getting excited, the pupils dilate contract into beady eyes when one is angry or suspicious.

(i)  Gaze Behavior—

A person who is dishonest cannot hold another person’s eyes for long duration. A person, on finding another attractive, can hold their gaze for a long time with his pupils dilated. A person issuing a non-verbal challenge contracts his eyes and holds the gaze for a long time.

(ii) Business gaze—

when discussing business matters, one can imagine a triangle on the other person’s forehead and keep his gaze directed there to create a serious atmosphere. As long as the gaze doesn’t drop below the level of the other’s eyes, the control of the interaction can be maintained.

(iii) Social gaze—

To develop a social atmosphere, one needs to drop one’s gaze below the other person’s eye level, focusing on the triangular area, which in this case lies between the eyes and the mouth.

(iv) Intimate gaze— 

The intimate gaze focuses across the eyes and below the chin to the other parts of body. When one is near, the gaze is on the triangular are between the eyes and the chest or breast. When one is far, the gaze is between the eyes and the crotch.

(v) Sideways gaze—

This glance indicates either interest or hostility. When it is accompanied by slightly raised eyebrows or a smile, it shows interest and is especially used as a courtship gesture. When the sideways glance is combined with a frown or the corners of the mouth turned down, it denotes a hostile, suspicious or critical attitude.

(vi) Eye block gesture—

This gesture involves closing one’s eyes for a few seconds as if for a moment erasing the other person from his mind. When a person becomes bored or uninterested or feels superior to the other, he blocks the person from his sight by closing the eyelids for a few seconds. When a person feels superior, his head is tilted backwards and is accompanied by the eye block gesture, indicating that he is looking down his nose.

2) Other popular body languages:

(i) Straddling a chair—

When a person is under physical or verbal attack, he normally 

straddles a chair, which shields his body. More chair-straddlers are aggressive and dominant, trying to take control of a group of bored people.

(ii) Picking imaginary fluff—

When a person is not in agreement with the other’s opinions but feels compelled to give his opinion, he picks imaginary pieces of lint from his clothing, complementing the gesture by looking away from others towards the floor.

(iii) Head gestures—

The nodding of the had is a universal gesture signifying ‘yes’ and the shaking of head meaning the opposite ‘no’. However, there are some places where the gestures have totally opposite meaning. When a person has a neutral attitude on what he is hearing, the basic head position is with his head up, occasionally nodding. When he tilts his head to one side, he is showing interest in what he hears. A negative and judgemental attitude is indicated when the head is down.

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Body Language (Part-IV)

                     BODY LANGUAGE (Part-IV)

In this article i am going to discuss about the body language relating to limbs as well as face, their meanings and how they are delivered.

1. Hand to face gestures:

(i) The mouth guard-- The mouth guard involves the hand covering the mouth with the thumb pressed against the cheek, implying that the person wishes to suppress something being voiced. A person using this particular gesture while speaking is telling a lie while if he/she uses this gesture when someone else is speaking indicates that he/she feels that the other person is lying. Some people camouflage their gesture by faking a laugh.

(ii) The eye rub-- When a men lie, they rub their eyes vigorously; if the lie is a big one, they will often look away, generally towards the floor. Women, on the other hand, conscious of their looks, use a small, gentle rub just below the eye; they generally avoid eye contact with the listener, preferring to look up at the ceiling.

(iii) The ear rub-- A person wishing not to head what the other person is saying, discreetly puts the hand around or over the ear. This body language is seen mostly in young children as they shut out both ears what they don’t want to hear. When a person pulls at his earlobe or bends the entire ear forward to cover the ear hole, it indicates that he had heard enough or want to speak now.

(iv) The collar pull-- When a person realizes that his lie has been caught, he tends to pull his collar, probably to ease the stinging sensation in his neck caused by the lie. This gesture is also used when a person is angry or frustrated and by pulling at the collar away from the neck, he hopes to allow cool air to circulate around his neck to calm himself down.

(v) Fingers in the mouth-- A person under pressure invariably put his fingers in his mouth, unconsciously trying to relieve his stress. This body language is an external expression for an inner need for reassurance.

(vi) Cheek and Chin gestures-- A person supporting his head with his hand, indicates his boredom, lack of interest or attempts to not fall asleep. The continual foot tapping and finger-drumming on the table are signs of impatience and not boredom. When a person has negative or critical thoughts, his thumb supports his chin while his index finger points vertically up the cheek. While making decision, his hand will move to the chin and begin a chin-stroking gesture.

(vii) Decision making gestures-- A bespectacled person might remove his glasses from his face and put one end of the frame in his mouth, instead of using chin-stroking gesture. A person may put his pencil tip or fingertip in his mouth while making decision, any objects in his mouth suggesting that he is unsure and needs assurance in making a quick decision. When a person is making decision, his hand may be stroking his chin but as he begins to lose interest in the speaker, his head begins to rest on his chin.

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Applying Psychology-II

      Applying psychology (Inner Life Personality-II)


Fundamentals of life: Personality, then, is concerned with some of the big questions about the human condition. A prime example is the topic of human nature. What is it that makes us human? Do we have instincts? Do we have free will? Do we have genuine choices in what we do socially? To what extent is what we are dependent on what we inherit? It should be
said that at present there are no final answers to this question. Certainly, we differ from one another in temperament, some basic characteristics that are there from birth and that seem to endure. Many parents know that their children are quite different from one another from the start, for example, in how active they are, or how afraid they are in new situations or how easily they can be soothed or even in how much they smile and laugh. But there is far more to personality than temperament and there are huge complexities in the links between the infl uence of environment and genes. Think of the many examples you know of very different people who have grown up in the same families. To ask another fundamental question: are you you or are you the situation?
In other words, do you have your personality because of traits or characteristics that are somehow within you or because of the influences of your environment? Over the years, various theorists have taken all possible standpoints on this question, but the received wisdom nowadays (as in most areas of psychology) is that the answer lies in a very intricate mixture of both sources of influence.
There are many more such questions, but probably the most important of them is about integration. It is basic to psychology to break down or analyse human functioning or behaviour into its parts, but personality is concerned with what all the parts are like when they are put together. How do we become integrated? When considering the ‘whole’ person, does something extra merge that is somehow more than the sum of the parts? Relevant here is the idea of self. Our own notions of our selves are important to the way in which we are integrated as entire persons.  

Ways of looking at personality: As might be expected in an area as huge as personality, there have been many varied ways of looking at it. What follows is a very brief introduction to a few of the major types of theory of personality. Each of them emphasises something in particular and each of them is ‘right’ – in its own way. Each provides something significant to consider about personality and would be interesting to apply to people that you know as you think about them.

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Applying Psychology (Inner Life-Personality)

Applying Psychology (Inner Life-Personality)


Scenes from life


John and Jean are brother and sister. They get on very well and even though one is 19 and the other 18, they spend a fair amount of time together. They both attend the same university, Jean studying History and John studying French Literature. Several times a week, they meet for coffee or lunch and generally catch up with how things are going for each of them. But they are very different from each other.
Jean is outgoing and loves anything new. It is not as if she cannot settle to routine – she can, but nevertheless there is nothing she likes more than a new experience, social, physical or intellectual. When she is bored, she seeks out new things to do. Already she has been on several overseas trips and has tried her hand at numerous activities. She worries about none of this, but remains equitable and balanced all the time. She sleeps well, doesn’t have a hang-up about her weight or her appearance and, generally
speaking, is thought by most people to be reliably good company, an interesting person with whom to spend time. By contrast, John is moody. He likes a fi xed routine in his life, with as much as possible being certain. He becomes highly anxious when things
get out of kilter or seem unpredictable. He nods politely to many people but has few friends, unlike his sister who has many. The friends he makes tend to last for only a limited time. They never know quite where they are with him because he frequently says so little or makes conversation that is full of innuendo rather than direct. He sleeps poorly and often wakes in the night covered in sweat and then worries about not getting back to sleep and how tired he might be on the next day. Unlike Jean, he has never been
overseas and although he thinks that he should go, he never quite gets round to it.
Jean and John are sitting having a good conversation over coffee, with John for once being quite animated; he feels very secure with Jean. One of Jean’s friends comes up to them, a man than John knows a little as well, and invites them both to a retro party (everyone is to dress in 1960s style) in a few days. Jean quickly accepts, already thinking of what she will make or scrounge to wear. In the heat of the moment, John accepts as well and even discusses it all with Jean, starting to think of what he might wear. During the few days before the party, Jean barely gives it a thought, simply finding the clothes to wear and then forgetting about it until the night. The same evening of the invitation, John starts to worry; he worries about his clothes, who else will be there, whether he will have anything to say to anyone, whether anyone will speak to him, whether he should have accepted; what he will feel like afterwards; whether Jean will think less of him if he pulls out; and so it goes on.
They both go to the party. Jean has a fairly good time – it was not the best party she has ever been to, but she had some good fun and even had one or two memorable conversations. She very much enjoyed seeing one or two people make fools of themselves. Afterwards, she barely thought of the party again. John had a completely dreary time, anxious throughout. He spoke to very few people, felt out of place, even though his 1960s clothes were authentic. He smoked and drank too much, mostly by himself. The few conversations he had preyed on his mind for several days afterwards mainly in terms of what he might have said but did not, or that he might have said something better. He barely slept at all that night even though he left the party early.
Richard is 30 and works in a car sales yard. Or at least he has done for a few months, but he is thinking about moving on. There is not enough excitement in the job for him and he seems to be getting off-sides with many of the people he works with. He lives alone, having had a series of disastrous relationships with women, many of whom have left him because of his unpredictable violence. Most of them feel lucky to have escaped. He has
had nothing to do with his parents for years, even though they are still alive. They don’t mind the lack of contact because they had always found him a diffi cult child and an even more diffi cult adolescent. He stole and lied, cheated at school and was cruel to animals.
He has quite enjoyed the car sales job (even though it is time to move on) because he has usually managed to take home a good car on most evenings. He has used it to impress friends and to pick up women. Of course, he passes it off as his own. He has also managed to find a way into the petty cash at work and has quietly managed to keep himself going in daily expenses rifl ed in this way.

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Applying Psychology in our Daily Life

      Applying Psychology in our Daily Life (Part I--Intro)

Before going on deeply, its very necessary to understand what this terminology "psychology" stands for. According to Concise English Dictionary," psychology is the scientific study of the human mind and its functions, especially those affecting behavior in a given context". Its the total mental characteristics or attitude of an individual, mental factors governing a situation or activity.
So, generally, psychology is the study of mental processes as human behavior is originated from mind.
There are not any areas left which is untouched by psychology but major fields which are directly influenced or affected are the mental health treatment, performance enhancement areas, self help, ergonomics and even many other fields that affect health and daily life. The word psychology owes its roots to the Greek word psyche which means soul or mind. Psychology has evolved partially from philosophy and biology, and these date as far as the early Greek thinkers like that of Aristotle and even Socrates. It has been observed that the field and study of psychology dates has its roots since Wilhelm Wundt established the first psychological lab in Leipzig in Germany. The research studies conducted by the Wundt included the school of thought called as structuralism which involved the study of structures that have composed the structures that composed the mind. This categorization involved the analysis of the sensation and the feeling through the usage of introspection, which is considered as a highly subjective matter.

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Self-Confidence (How to build confidence-overview)

                 Self-Confidence (How to build confidence-overview)


The formula for building confidence, indeed for bringing about any personal change, has five elements. First, develop self-awareness: know yourself, acknowledge that there are aspects
of yourself that you wish to change, and understand what has stopped you feeling confident so far. Then apply the I-T-I-A Formula© (pronounced eye-tea-ah):


- Assert your intention to be confident, and make a commitment.
- Change your thinking. This includes changing restrictive attitudes and beliefs.
- Use your imagination. Imagine yourself as a confident person.
- Act as if you are already confident. The more you speak and behave confidently,
the more confident you will become.


All four parts of the I-T-I-A Formula© are essential, otherwise the change is unlikely to be permanent, or worse, nothing may change at all. If this sounds a little daunting, don’t worry – this entire programme is designed around these five elements – self-awareness, intention, thinking, imagination and acting ‘as if ’. You will be introduced to them in small, practical steps to make it as easy as possible for you. All I ask is that you apply what you learn, stick with it
and be patient. Entrenched habits don’t change overnight. 
"Self-esteem isn’t everything, it’s just that there’s nothing without it--Gloria Steinem"


Step I- Our first step is a simple but necessary one: buy a medium sized notebook. Use it for the written exercises in this programme, also to record your experiences and monitor your progress. Date each entry you make. Your notebook will become a good friend, teacher and confidant, so keep it near you, consult it every day and update it regularly. Commit yourself to spending some time on this programme every day. Just ten minutes a day – reading, learning, thinking, doing etc – adds up to over 60 valuable hours of confidence building activity a year from now. Twenty-five minutes a day builds up to 152 hours in a year – that’s almost a week! Can you think of a better investment for your future?


Step II- What difference would it make to your life if you knew without any doubt that you could achieve anything you set your heart on? If you like jot down a few comments in your notebook.What difference would it make to your life if you knew without any doubt that you could achieve anything you set your heart on? If you like jot down a few comments in your notebook.


Step III- Think about, and if you like write down, what confidence means to you. What do confident people do that unconfident people do not? What would you do differently if you were confident? For example, perhaps you would find it easier to speak up for
yourself, show your emotions, meet new people, or take on more responsibility at work?


Step IV- Write down three beliefs that you hold about yourself which could be limiting your confidence. Now think of three beliefs you would rather have, beliefs that would
empower you and bring confidence. Cross out the limiting beliefs and write these empowering beliefs in their place.
what would you have to do for these new beliefs to come true? 


Step V- Make yourself very comfortable, either sitting or lying down. Close your eyes, take a few deep breaths and relax. Allow your imagination to flow freely. What would it be like to be
perfectly confident? What difference would it make to your life? Let your mind drift for a few minutes, then open your eyes and write down everything that comes to mind. Keep this list: you have it in your power to experience all this one day. Remember, whatever your
mind can conceive and believe, you can achieve. 
.
Step VI- Commit yourself to behaving more confidently, as from now, even if it feels like an act. Do what actors, musicians, politicians, sports stars and many others do the world over – pretend you’re confident, even if you’re not. For instance, calm your breath, stand upright, look people in the eye and speak with a clear, unwavering tone: you will immediately feel more confident.


Step VII- From now on make this an unshakable rule: stop putting yourself down. Never say anything about yourself, either silently or out loud, that you don’t sincerely want to be or come true.

** Decide right now to treat yourself with love and respect and accept only the best for yourself for the rest of your life. Behind their public personae many well known people, including the most glamorous and esteemed, are desperately shy.
In a radio broadcast Terry O’Neill, the celebrity photographer whose pictures of the rich and famous have adorned glossy magazines all over the world, described the Paramount Studios’ centenary celebrations in Hollywood. A hundred top movie stars were brought together, many of whom wanted to meet Elizabeth Taylor. O’Neill spotted her cowering in a corner, close to the door. ‘I thought, no one’s going near her,’ he said, ‘so, as I’d met her before, I asked if I
could assist her. I pointed out that all those people were here to meet her. She said, “I’m so frightened, Terry. I’ve never seen so many stars in one room.” She was star struck – they all were! Then she asked me to introduce her to Robert de Niro. I didn’t know him, but I took her over, and it was amazing. It was like seeing two stumbling children talking with each other.’**


** Source--- 365 steps for self-confidence by David Lawrence Preston ** 
** Last word-- If u act confident, you  will feel confident**

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RECOGNIZING STRESS AND ITS EFFECTS

                                     RECOGNIZING STRESS AND ITS EFFECTS

Physical effects of stress
Stress arises when a real or perceived threat triggers a physical alarm response in us. The endocrine system, which governs the stress response, stimulates  our adrenal, pituitary and hypothalamus glands to release hormones (adrenaline, noradrenaline, cortisol, testosterone and thyroxin) into the bloodstream. These  stimulate us into action, mobilising our strength, speed and stamina in the following ways – many of which you’re bound to recognize from your own experience of being stressed: • Blood flow is instantly directed away from the skin, digestive tract, kidneys, liver and immune system, towards the brain, heart and muscles.
 • The heart beats faster, pumping more blood to muscles. 
• Blood pressure rises.
• Muscles tense up, ready for action.
• Breathing becomes fast and shallow, to increase oxygen intake.
• Pupils dilate, taking in more light.
• The liver releases stored sugar – levels of sugar, fat and cholesterol rise in the bloodstream, providing extra energy.
• Levels of platelets and blood clotting agents increase in the blood, to protect from excess bleeding in case of injury.
• Perspiration increases.
As you can imagine from this list, prolonged stress takes a considerable toll on the body. 


How to measure my own stress levels?
The more something changes your life, the more stressful it’s likely to be. Some student stressors are listed below (on a life change scale of 0–100):
• Death of close relation (63) or friend (37)
• Illness/injury to self (53) or family (44)
• Cohabitation (50)
• Splitting up (65)
• Getting back together (45)
• Pregnancy (44)
• Sexual problems (39)
• Large loan (31)
• Outstanding personal achievement (28)
• End of school (26)
• Change in living conditions (25)
• Change in personal habits (e.g. more/less exercise) (24)
• Change in working hours/conditions (20)
• Moving house (20)
• Change of educational establishment (20)
• Change in recreation (19)
• Change in social activities (18)
• Change in sleeping habits (16)
• Holidays (13)
• Christmas (12)
• Minor violations of law (11)
Stress scores between 100–199 indicate a mild life crisis;between 200–299: moderate life crisis; 300 upwards: major life crisis. That’s without exams. Adapted from Holmes, R.H. and Rahe, R.H. (1967) Journal of Psychosomatic Research, 11.


Other effects of stress
So much for the physical effects of stress. Here’s how it manifests
itself in students’ work:
• Performance below par
• Muddleheadedness
• Exhaustion
• Depression
• Aggression
• Agitation
• Disorganisation
• Procrastination
• Forgetfulness
• Being persistently late
• Making up excuses
• Missing lectures, tutorials and deadlines
• Socialising too much


Misinterpretations of stress
As stress signals go, many of these are fairly discreet. Many can be mistaken for laziness. Consequently, students who fail to meet targets are commonly told, somewhat unimaginatively, to ‘get their act together’ or ‘pull their finger out’. They may even be the first to chastise themselves. Unfortunately, self-condemnation 
 tends to make us less likely to tackle a problem constructively. To do so, most students need to talk to someone and get help. Yet, very few students admit they  have a problem. Most suffer in silence. There’s a very good reason for this. As children, many students were routinely praised for being right, and blamed for .Why students being wrong. Success was rewarded with a pat on the back; failure,  with a sharp rebuff. When this happens to children, they very quickly put two 
 and two together and equate making mistakes with being bad. In order to gain love and acceptance from their family, teachers and peers, they learn to hide their weaknesses. They may even lie and cheat in order not to get found out. Although it’s an enormous effort for them, they usually manage to hand in their work and keep up with their course, albeit in a chaotic fashion. Then, there are students who cover up their problems so well that everyone thinks they’re terrific. The admiration they receive from others prevents them from fulfilling their true potential: the more they are praised, the more trapped they become. Once people learn
to present a polished mask to the world, it becomes very difficult for them to seek help. The mask may come to feel like an integral component of their identity; they may lose any awareness that they are stressed. Apart from spending too much time alone in libraries or at the computer, tell-tale signs are usually psychosomatic:
• Asthma
• Skin complaints
• Recurring bouts of ill health
• Stomach problems
• Bowel problems
• Muscular pains such as back pain
• Eating disorders
• Oversleeping (an escape from the difficulty of being awake)
• Insomnia
• Panic attacks
• Frequent accidents
• Hyperactivity or exhaustion
• Vomiting.

Stress Relievers:
Regarding natural stress relievers, i have already discussed in previous posts. Click here . Out of all, autogenics, is the best tool i have ever found. It takes a bit time to master, but when its done, its positive impacts are countless.


Conclusion: Therefore, its very necessary to catch or recognize the stress at proper time and act immediately before it grows and turns to mental or physical or psychosomatic illness.

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Body Language (Part III-Gestures)

                              Body Language (Gestures):

Facial expressions and hand gestures-

Our face is the most visually expressive part of our body. There are six universal facial expressions:-Happiness, sadness, surprise, fear, anger and distrust. Each of the expressions is accompanied with a combination of recognisable gestures. After the face, the hands are the most expressive part of our body. We use them to reinforce our speech or on occasions even as its replacement.

Palm Gestures-

(i) Open palm--> The open palm gesture indicates truth, sincerity, trustworthiness and agreement. For example, the palm is held in the air when testifying in a court of law or placed on a Holy Book while bearing witness.

* There are two basic palm positions-the palm facing upward and the palm facing downward. In the upward-facing position, a person may be asking for something, as in the case of a beggar, and in the downward-facing position, he may be trying to hold down or constrain something *

* When a person wishes to be totally sincere and truthful, he hold out one or both palms (exposed) to the other person and conveys his desire to be frank with him *

* A child may hide his palms behind him when he is not telling or hiding something *

* A husband, trying to explain his wife why he was coming so late at night, may either hold his palms together or have them in his pockets; the hidden palms indicating to the wife that he is withholding the truth *

* A sharp salesman, noting a customer's open palm gesture, will understand that the customer is genuinely not interested in his product *

Palm Power Gestures-

There are three main palm command gestures- palm-up, palm-down, palm closed-finger-pointed position.

* The palm-up position signifies submission, a non-threatening gesture. The palm-down position denotes authority and depending upon the relationship between a worker and his senior, the situation could be explosive or just routine. In the palm-closed-finger-pointed position, the speaker compels his listener into submission *

* One of the most irritating and annoying gestures is to see the speaker pointing a finger at you (esp. index finger), and beating, time or punctuating his words with it. A habitual finger pointer, will learn to create a more relaxed attitude, with a positive effect on people, if he only learns to use the palm-up or palm-down positions more often *

Handshakes-

The age old custom of shaking hands, practised even today, involves the interlocking and shaking of the palms. In English-speaking countries, the handshake gesture is used both during initial greeting and when leaving. During such handshakes, the hands are generally pumped five to seven times. While shaking hands, one of the following three basic attitudes is conveyed---> dominance, submission or equality:

* When your palm faces upward, submission is denoted. For an instance, an arthritic patient, being weak, can be submissive; a surgeon, an artist or a musician, wanting to protect his hand, might be submissive too *

* Dominance is conveyed when your palm faces down in the handshake, in relation to the other person's palm *

* Two dominant people shaking hands would like to see the other submissive, hence there is every likelihood of the hands being held in a vice-like grip *

* In order to intimidate the other dominant person, step forward with your left foot as you reach to shake hands, the bringing your right foot forward, place it in his person space, then bring your left foot beside the other foot and shake the person's hand. This allows you to take command, by invading the other person's personal space *

* Most right-handed people are at a disadvantage when they get a dominant handshake, for they have very little manoeuvrable space or flexibility to move within the confines of the handshake, letting the other person gain mastery *

* Another way to dominate the other person, is to grasp the person's hand on top and then shake it, for then your hand, which will be in a palm facing down position, is in a superior position on top of his. This, of course, should be done judiciously and cautiously *

* Though, a handshake is a sign of welcome, sales people are taught that if they initiate the handshake with a buyer on whom they have called without appointment, the result could be negative as the buyer may not want to receive them *

Rubbing Palms Together-

Rubbing the palms together denotes some positive expectations from the doer. Foe example, the master of ceremonies or a dice thrower or a magician, rubs his palms in anticipation of something positive.

* The speed at which a person rubs his palms together suggests that he expects the other person to benefit. For example if someone goes to a car dealer and describes what he is looking for, the dealer rubs his palms together quickly and says that he has the right car for him. The signal here is that the dealer expects the buyer to benefit *

* If you rub your palms very slowly, then the message the other person gets is that you are crafty or devious and applied to the car dealer-buyer example, the buyer would think that he is not going to benefit and that the dealer would be benefiting himself *

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Body Language (Part II)

--Role of voice in body language--
Apart from expressions which are visual, intonation or voice also plays an important role in body language. The words that we use to convey a message can be given additional emphasis by the tone of our voice. The tone will convey to the receiver what he should know about the way-the message needs to be inferred. For instance, a question such as ' Before now why have you not told me this?' can be conveyed in a variety of ways by using different kinds of intonations. Through our tones, we can enhance the message with expressions such as anger, disappointment, dislike, enjoyment or happiness added to the actual words. When we talk on the phone, we can not make use of body signals or gestures as the receiver cannot see our body language and therefore we often compensate for that by placing more stress on the way we use the intonations in our voice.

Emotional Voice
We can lace our voice with different emotions. When we feel emotional and still want to continue talking, there is a quiver in our voice. The tremble can be a sign of an assortment of emotions and can be considered in different ways by men and women, as well as by each individual. It is important to keep in mind that the situation, as well as gender and culture, can play a role in determining those differences. The whole range of emotions and ways to express them is not only closely related to the intonations in our voice and body language but also to our breathing.

Golden Silence
In the art of communication, silences have a vital role to play. Even when we are silent, we are still communicating! When we convey to the other person depends on the kind of silence it is. Mostly the subject of the conversation plays a major role in this. The time gap in between words provides space for feeling and thinking. The more emotionally loaded a subject is, the more silence is needed. To be silent in company when there is a lot of talking is an art in itself. Many people have this idea that when there is silence it means that there is just nothing more to say. But that is not true. It often means that people are trying to figure our something intuitively about themselves or about the other person(s). Quite often, people notice something about the body language of other(s) and pay attention to that.

Intimate Silences
There are times when people require silence to work out for themselves how intimate they want to be with others. But for more people, when there is lull (temp. quite period) in conversation in a group, they find it hard to handle. They become nervous or they feel tht they have to say something and get embarrassed if they have nothing to add to the conversation at that moment. It is at such moments that we all say strange, stupid or boring things and later wonder at our mental health for saying such stupid things.
People who do not like to talk about a particular topic for whatever reason will use a silence or berak in the conversation to create a diversion by changing the topic. In the therapeutic world, silence are often used to give someone the opportunity to become more aware of themselves or what they have just said. Silence in a group can be an indicator of the level of comfort and intimacy within the group members or it can also indicate distrust. Silences can also make some people feel threatened.

--Body Posture--
Reading a person's body posture can tell us various things about that particular person; the way people hold themselves gives us important information. For instance, when a person is down in the dumps, the information is conveyed by their sagging shoulders and having very little eye contact. The message this gives the world is that they are not interested in their environment or the people in it. On the other hand, a person who walks straight and strides into the room, carries with him the impression of confidence and a positive attitude.
Our body posture often reflects our feelings pretty well. Through our body posture we can also convey our interest and respect for another person. To turn to the person one is talking to, indicates interest in what the person is saying.

Close or Open
A person's body posture can be closed or open. When a person is not feeling ease with someone, he will often assume a closed position, he will possibly cross his arms or legs or will hold an object such as a bag in front as a barrier. The bag and the crossed arms and legs provide barriers and protection at his vulnerability.
Trust has a lot to do with the way a person positions himself in company. It is quite normal to start the acquaintance of someone with a bit of a closed body position until the person establishes some level of trust and comfort that goes with that till he has established a level of intimacy. Trust is established by our body language interactions as well as what we say.

--Kinesica and Neuro Linguistic Programming--
The study of the language of the body is called kinesica. The more recently developed theories on human functioning have given life to Neuro Linguistic Programming (N.L.P). N.L.P uses body language as its main source of information to tell more about the way we operate as people, by ourselves or when we are together.
For instance, we alter the position of our body continually in conjunction with our environment when we are in company or in a public place. Research has shown that we have a higher success rate of getting our message across to another person when we take on a similar position as hi/her. Subconsciously, we replicate the other person's movements like crossing and uncrossing legs, turning our bodies in different directions. This process is called modeling in N.L.P.

Body Movement
Though we are often not cognisant of the body language signals we send out to other people, yet unconsciously we are able to decode the body language of others. We rely on our intuitive feelings with this process of interpreting and reading between the lines of what the other person is saying to us. Movement is also a part of body language. All movements, in our face, with our head, our legs, our feet and all body parts, our gestures, combine to make our body language harmonious. Gestures, combination of a series of smaller body movements can be learned.
For example, when we want to say ok: our thumb and index finger make a circle and our other fingers stretch upwards, while our facial expression compliments what we are signing with this signal. It is often humorous to see the attempts of young children who learn these signals and do not always get them right in their efforts to duplicate their new learning.
When a gesture has different meanings in different societies, it can be amusing as well as a cause for complications. So one should be ware of where and when one is using the gestures.

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