Thursday, February 18, 2010

Why is your Child lying? Solve this negative personality trait

                                                 WHY CHILDREN LIE?
Most of us have gone through this personality trait known as lying or "lie" simply. We all have lied for some reason somewhere in the phases of our life and still are lying. LIE is one thing, but for the reason we are lying might be ranging from moderate to chronic. LIES can make fun sometimes but can leave a great serious impact in some cases in our life which can't be inevitable by any means.
Apart of lies done by adults, its more serious the case when a child starts to lie. Brain of children is like the smooth mud which can be shaped or modified in whatever we like. If the are being feed with negativity, they will grow accordingly, so to control and manage this negative personality trait is very important. But what lies mean to children, and why they lie, changes as they grow older.
From fairy tales to folklore, young children have generally been pictured as sweet innocents, uncorrupted speaker of pure truth. We all like to think that our own youngsters wouldn't lie, wouldn't even understand what lying is indeed and certainly wouldn't deceive us.
     Realistically, of course, most parents face the fact that their children do sometimes lie. What they may not realize is how young  this behavior can start and how it changes as children grow. Understanding these age-related changes can help everyone who deals with  children handle the problem more successfully.
Until recently, most researchers believed that 3 to 6 yrs old couldn't distinguish between unintentionally making a mistake and deliberately saying something untrue. New evidences suggest that this is wrong. By the age of 4, or even earlier, children can and will lie not simply make excuses or confuse fantasy with reality, but deliberately attempt to mislead usually to avoid punishment. For example;
Richard is an energetic 3 and half years old with an artistic spirit. One day  he decided to express his creativity on his bedroom wall with  his new crayons. To him it was a great work of art. To his mom, however, it was not a pretty picture,"Richard, did you draw on your wall?" his mom asked,obviously with anger. And due to this angry action by his mom, he simply deny ( human emotions, inclination to make conditions normal--can be seen in children too).
While young children are clearly willing and able to lie, they have their own understanding of what the  word means. Until about the age of 8, children consider any false statement a lie regardless of whether the person who said it knew it was false. Intention isn't the issue--only whether the information is false or true.

Although child under the  age of 6 have trouble distinguishing between unintentional and deliberate false statements, research shows that by the age of 4, children generally know that intending to mislead someone is bad. These children condemn lying more than do older children or adults. They are, as one researcher described them,"fanatics of truth". In one study, 92% of 5-years old said it is always wrong to lie. By age 11 that figure had shrunk to only 28%. Paralleling that change, 75% of the 5-years old said they never lied, while none of the 11 years old made such claim to virtue.
The same researchers asked children about different types of lies. All age groups, from 5 through 11, said that lies to avoid punishment (not admitting you spilled ink on the bedspread) are worse than white lies (telling another child you like his friend even though you don't). Altruistic lies (not telling a bully wants to beat up a younger child where the child is even if you know) were not condemned by any  age group, bu the 5-years old gave even this lie a much lower rating than did the older children. The situation that triggered the lie becomes increasingly important. By ages 10-12 and sometimes earlier, children no longer consider lying always wrong. Whether a lie is wrong depends on the situation.

The children 5-9 years old mentioned punishment most often. At this young age punishment is the deterrent. Less than a third of the 11-years old mentioned it, while nearly half said lying destroys trust, a consequence mentioned by few of the younger kids. Psychologist Marie Vasek got similar results in interviews with boys and girls from 6-12. The youngest children said that the main reason anyone lies is to avoid punishment. And while they thought of lying was wrong, tmhey understood why people did it.

A number of studies have asked this question, with varying results. Some researches find no change, while others report a decrease in lying with age. The studies do agree on one point, however: Less than 5% of the children at all ages lie frequently. But even this consensus has problems. One is that since the date comes from the reports of parents and teachers., it may be flawed. Perhaps young people just get better at lying as they move from childhood to adolescence, lying as much or more but less detectably.
A second problem: Even assuming the percentage of consistent liars stays the same, we're left with a question: Are these the same children at different ages---chronic liars, so to speak---or different children? We don't know. The only way to find out would be to follow the same children year after year., and that hasn't been done. All we have cross sectional studies of different children in each age group. I suspect the truth lies somewhere in the middle. For some kids, chronic lying is a phase and eventually stops. Other may continue with what becomes a fixed pattern for dealing with the world.

 We don't know whether children lie more as they get older, but its clear they get better at it. Young children believe adults are all-powerful. By early adolescence or earlier--perhaps by age 10 or 11--most children mhave become fairly able liers. No longer are they always betrayed by the sound of their voice, the look on their face, the blatant inconsistencies in what they say or thrie outlandish alibis. As children gain the power to mislead, parent lose the certainty they had earlier. Although they may still catch  a lie---older children, liked adults, do sometimes make some mistakes when they lie, and many lies are betrayed by an accidental discovery--parents learn that they no longer know what  their kids are thinking, feeling or planning, unless their children want them to know.

Almost everything relating to lying changes gradually as children growm older. Their understanding of the concent of lying, their attitudes about when lying is wrong,  their ability to lie without being caught, their moral and social judgement---all of the these changes as they grow up. Two age period seem especially crucial. The first is somewhere between ages 3  and 4, when children become capable of telling a deliberate lie. This is a good time for parents to begin to educate their children about lying.
Early lying may be simply a phase, or it could develop into an undesirable lifelong pattern. You  really can not tell at the time. So if you find your child lying frequently, don't wait to see if its temporary thing. Sintead, try to find out why he or she is lying. Are you doing something which  is some way encourages or forces your child to lie? Is you child lying in response to some other problem at home? Is it the influence of friends? Whatever the cause, explain to your child why lying is harmful or just make aware of its negative consequences. If you don't think you are succeeding in eliminating this behavior, seek counselling.
Adolescence or age of puberty is the second crucial period. Some evidence suggests that both lying and peer infulence peak in early adolesence and then subside. Although there is no hard research evidence to support it, I think one reason adolescents are more successful liers is that they feel less guilt about lying to their parents or teachers. Rejecting parental values---noticing the clay feet that authority stands upon--is a common form of rebellion. For some teenagers, lying may be one way of establishing their own identity, of achieving independence--a necessary task of adolescence.
To make understand how difficult life together will be if there is no trust or belief is another way to convince the adolescents. This phase is when they become emotional too so try  this tool to get them rid off this negative personality. And also try to elaborate or describe the power of "BELIEF AND TRUST".


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