Body Language (Part II)

--Role of voice in body language--
Apart from expressions which are visual, intonation or voice also plays an important role in body language. The words that we use to convey a message can be given additional emphasis by the tone of our voice. The tone will convey to the receiver what he should know about the way-the message needs to be inferred. For instance, a question such as ' Before now why have you not told me this?' can be conveyed in a variety of ways by using different kinds of intonations. Through our tones, we can enhance the message with expressions such as anger, disappointment, dislike, enjoyment or happiness added to the actual words. When we talk on the phone, we can not make use of body signals or gestures as the receiver cannot see our body language and therefore we often compensate for that by placing more stress on the way we use the intonations in our voice.

Emotional Voice
We can lace our voice with different emotions. When we feel emotional and still want to continue talking, there is a quiver in our voice. The tremble can be a sign of an assortment of emotions and can be considered in different ways by men and women, as well as by each individual. It is important to keep in mind that the situation, as well as gender and culture, can play a role in determining those differences. The whole range of emotions and ways to express them is not only closely related to the intonations in our voice and body language but also to our breathing.

Golden Silence
In the art of communication, silences have a vital role to play. Even when we are silent, we are still communicating! When we convey to the other person depends on the kind of silence it is. Mostly the subject of the conversation plays a major role in this. The time gap in between words provides space for feeling and thinking. The more emotionally loaded a subject is, the more silence is needed. To be silent in company when there is a lot of talking is an art in itself. Many people have this idea that when there is silence it means that there is just nothing more to say. But that is not true. It often means that people are trying to figure our something intuitively about themselves or about the other person(s). Quite often, people notice something about the body language of other(s) and pay attention to that.

Intimate Silences
There are times when people require silence to work out for themselves how intimate they want to be with others. But for more people, when there is lull (temp. quite period) in conversation in a group, they find it hard to handle. They become nervous or they feel tht they have to say something and get embarrassed if they have nothing to add to the conversation at that moment. It is at such moments that we all say strange, stupid or boring things and later wonder at our mental health for saying such stupid things.
People who do not like to talk about a particular topic for whatever reason will use a silence or berak in the conversation to create a diversion by changing the topic. In the therapeutic world, silence are often used to give someone the opportunity to become more aware of themselves or what they have just said. Silence in a group can be an indicator of the level of comfort and intimacy within the group members or it can also indicate distrust. Silences can also make some people feel threatened.

--Body Posture--
Reading a person's body posture can tell us various things about that particular person; the way people hold themselves gives us important information. For instance, when a person is down in the dumps, the information is conveyed by their sagging shoulders and having very little eye contact. The message this gives the world is that they are not interested in their environment or the people in it. On the other hand, a person who walks straight and strides into the room, carries with him the impression of confidence and a positive attitude.
Our body posture often reflects our feelings pretty well. Through our body posture we can also convey our interest and respect for another person. To turn to the person one is talking to, indicates interest in what the person is saying.

Close or Open
A person's body posture can be closed or open. When a person is not feeling ease with someone, he will often assume a closed position, he will possibly cross his arms or legs or will hold an object such as a bag in front as a barrier. The bag and the crossed arms and legs provide barriers and protection at his vulnerability.
Trust has a lot to do with the way a person positions himself in company. It is quite normal to start the acquaintance of someone with a bit of a closed body position until the person establishes some level of trust and comfort that goes with that till he has established a level of intimacy. Trust is established by our body language interactions as well as what we say.

--Kinesica and Neuro Linguistic Programming--
The study of the language of the body is called kinesica. The more recently developed theories on human functioning have given life to Neuro Linguistic Programming (N.L.P). N.L.P uses body language as its main source of information to tell more about the way we operate as people, by ourselves or when we are together.
For instance, we alter the position of our body continually in conjunction with our environment when we are in company or in a public place. Research has shown that we have a higher success rate of getting our message across to another person when we take on a similar position as hi/her. Subconsciously, we replicate the other person's movements like crossing and uncrossing legs, turning our bodies in different directions. This process is called modeling in N.L.P.

Body Movement
Though we are often not cognisant of the body language signals we send out to other people, yet unconsciously we are able to decode the body language of others. We rely on our intuitive feelings with this process of interpreting and reading between the lines of what the other person is saying to us. Movement is also a part of body language. All movements, in our face, with our head, our legs, our feet and all body parts, our gestures, combine to make our body language harmonious. Gestures, combination of a series of smaller body movements can be learned.
For example, when we want to say ok: our thumb and index finger make a circle and our other fingers stretch upwards, while our facial expression compliments what we are signing with this signal. It is often humorous to see the attempts of young children who learn these signals and do not always get them right in their efforts to duplicate their new learning.
When a gesture has different meanings in different societies, it can be amusing as well as a cause for complications. So one should be ware of where and when one is using the gestures.

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Presentation Skills

                                                 Presentation Skills

Presentation is a communication process of transmitting the message from the presenter to the audience. This message can vary in length and complexity. Different presentation aids can be used e.g. flip chart, PowerPoint presentation with the video beamer, whiteboard with erasable pens, laser pointers, etc. Presentation can be done in different circumstances in a more or less formal way.To present something before a mass is like projecting oneself to them. Each and every action from facial expression to body language have great impact on our presentation.
To become a successful presenter, we need focus and practice to talk effectively before mass. Presentation is no more different than public speaking. No one is a borned public speaker or presenter, it improves and develops with persistance and practice.
In fact, everybody is in the position to be a presenter at some point. At school, at the university, during the business presentation or even you can be a professional presenter. Now we come to common problem for most of the people. This problem is "Stage Fright" combined with lack of technical skills of presenting. And i have mentioned how to get rid of this error in previous posts (Dale Carnegie's special).
Before presenting anything before anyone, the two Ps which are inevitable are "Preparation" and "Practice". Apart from them, Self-confidence,Self-control is also necessary to reduce the nervousness. Every one does have their own principle and ways to prepare for presentation but i am going to point out some basic presentation skills tips--

--You need to have a minimum of expertise in the area of presentation. This means that you cannot just learn your lines that you will say during the every slide, but you also need to be prepared to answer to potential questions from the audience. Simply, you need to have at least the basic knowledge on the subject presented.


--Make concept for your presentation ( intro, main part, conclusion ). Your presentation needs to have meaningful flow. It should have a theme, the message and learning for your audience. Set up learning goals for your audience and check the results at the end. Longer presentation should have detailed agenda developed.

--Use aids ( power point or flip chart ), but remember that you are still one who is presenting, not the slides. Do not exaggerate with the presentation aids. They should assist you, instead you assist to them.

--Use not more 3-4 lines of text on presentation slides, with maybe 1 photo. If you put too many details, nobody will read it. Average audience is not reading the content of the slide, in case that there are too many details on it. Slides should be clear in content, visible for everybody in your audience, with graphic and color that will not distract audience, or make them difficult to read. If you are not skillful with graphic and colors, use predefined templates.

--Exercise your presentation, so that you get a feeling about it. Check all slides before presentation. Check the video beamer, cables, remote control, room lights and other technicalities before beginning of presentation. Check the colors and readability, since video beamer can present colors in different way than your computer screen. Distorted colors can make reading difficult or impossible.

-- Assess the time needed for you presentation and check the timing during your rehearsals. If your presentation is longer, divide it in sections ( e.g. 45 min ) with breaks ( e.g. 10 min ). Time management is critical during the presentation, since audience might start to feel bored if presentation is too long. You can even not finish your presentation, if it takes too long time.

--Try to move around during your presentation. Use your body language. If you just stand still in one place, you will become invisible soon to you audience and their eyes and mind might start to wander around. By moving your self and using your body language, in accordance the dynamic of the subject presented, you are keeping the audience alerted.

--Use examples for your statements. That can be your experience or something you read. If you are using somebody's examples, quote source of information. You can even say a short story or saying, if you find it suitable for supporting your presentation.

--Use humor in your presentation. This can be planned or spontaneous, but within limits that will not change normal flow of presentation.

--Ask questions to the audience. Ask for volunteers, or pick someone to answer. This will help you to keep the audience alert. They will pay more attention to your presentation, since they know that you might ask them later on. Asking questions will make your presentation more interactive, more interesting to the audience and easier for you, since you will animate people to participate.


--Do not say something like "Sorry about my presentation" or "I am nervous". I remember some of my friends that used to say something like that during the presentation. I found that to be wrong, since their presentations were actually good and I wouldn't ever guess that they are nervous or unprepared, if they didn't say something like that. If you state that you apologize because you are not a good presenter, you are ruining your credibility before you even started. Even if you are a bit nervous there is no reason to say that.


Actually, everybody, even the most experienced presenters, have some "stage fright". It is normal. But as soon as the presentation starts, you will be released, since you will involve your energy into the presentation.

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Tips-Time ManagemenT

                                               Time Management Tips

"Time" is that powerful terminology in dictionary that beats almost all thing. As like in other parts of life, it is equally important in personal development and growth. Those who can manage time properly is almost 50% successful in his work because for managing time, we need dedication, determination, positive attitude, hard-work. These are the key-points which are responsible for making a person successful.If we get success in managing time, indirectly we are managing our life. So, i am going to describe some points or tips for managing time.

-->Sleep Less. - 
According to a survey of 18 members of the Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development (OECD), the average American sleeps 8.5 hours per day. The average healthy adult only requires 7-8 hours of sleep per 24-hour cycle. If we simply slept less, we could gain an hour of productive time. Some of our most effective citizens get by on much less sleep. I understand that some of the most productive people in the world, most notably: President Obama, Tiger Woods, and Bill Gates all function quite well on 5 hours sleep a night. 
-->Limit your email reading.  
This is another way to improve your time management skills. Follow a vacation schedule for email reading ... especially when you have big projects to do. Email reading has become a phenomenal time waster. Scan for crucial emails and let the other just sit there. Only read and respond to the essential emails until you get "to do list" down to a manageable size.
-->Stop Talking on the Phone unnecessarily.
 Limit your telephone conversations. If you must talk on the telephone, please reduce the number of minutes you talk. Be like a lawyer and set a time. Talk up to the specified time and no longer.
-->Reduce TV watching time.
Busy people cannot afford to watch too much TV. I used to joke that I could spend an hour watching "Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous" or I could spend that hour building my business so that later on I could live "Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous". Would you rather watch it or live it?
-->Limit Your Shopping Trips.
Here's another time management tip. Schedule your errands so that you can go to several stores in one outing. This saves time, gas, and money.
-->Reduce time spent on social media sites.
Chatting on social media sites is fun and addictive. Browse your favorite sites for a few minutes everyday. Respond to the few items that you must deal with. Then go on with your work.
-->Delegate.
Recent studies show that multitasking, rather than being an asset, is actually quite detrimental to productivity, as opposed to focusing on one job at a time. You cannot do everything by yourself. You are not superhuman after all. Know your limits and don't be afraid to say "no" to more work or get others to share the load.
-->Don't procrastinate.
All this does is pile up your work, making it even more daunting. And the more daunting it is, the less you'll be inclined to work on it, and the more you'll put it off. It's a vicious cycle, indeed. So another time management tip is to break the task apart into several tiny, more manageable pieces. Work on these pieces one at a time and before you know it, you have conquered the project in its entirety.
-->Personalize.
Work on your workspace so that it is conducive to productivity. Get rid of distractions, but do what works best for you. Some people prefer a desk that is the epitome of organization. But if your clutter is your very life source, the fuel from which you derive all of your creative energy, then keep the mess-as long as it's organized mess, meaning you know exactly where everything is so that you don't waste precious time scrounging around for this paper or anything else you might need.
-->Reward yourself for a job well done.
Hard-earned rewards can be added motivation, goals toward which you can strive. They make work that much more satisfying and fulfilling.
**As like in before posts, i urge everyone that without proper application, these tips won't work and some tips might be not applicable to all. Therefore, you better know which one is applicable and can useful for you, rest is within you***

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8 Ways to Re-think Your Working Style and Boosting Tips

                                   8 ways to rethink your work style!

How do you get the most out of the time you spend working? Research on mind and body provides some answers

WORK WORK WORK. We all are familiar with this terminology "WORK". And we even know what it means to us for living a properous and happy life. Whether be to earn for monetary standard or to earn for self satisfaction, we need to work and its so much essential that without working we can not achieve our objectives for what we are borned for.
As i have mentioned in my previous articles, for personal development also, the tips, tricks and techniques are just the base. To achieve it, all you need to do is "WORK".
We all have a day of 24 hours. Within this, we have to accomplish various activities from home work to professional. This duration is sufficient for some, but for some, this day hours is also insufficient. Why do some people get so mcuh done while the rest struggle just to get by? The research suggests that  productivity comes more from the ways we think and live than from the number of hours we invest in a given task. Paying attention with the mindset with which you approach your work can pay big dividents in how much you accomplish each day.

The Ways:

1) Go with the Flow
People who find a balance between their skills and the challenges they face are more likely to be productively involved in whatever they are doing, says Psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi. He calls that balance flow and has found that high achievers spend more time than low achievers in periods of flow.
    To reach that state, he explains, high achievers invent ways to challenge themselves, whether they are studying, working or just moving to the lawn.' Workers who enjoy what they are doing,' he says,"spend more time working than adults who do not seem to enjoy their jobs. These people are going to be more productive." There is one famous saying also "If you enjoy your work, you do not have to work a single day in your life".
    Psychologist Dean keith Simonton agrees that the most prolific people in many fields find their work pleasurable, at the very least. The truly extraordinary go well beyond that. Simonton has studied such incredibly productive figures as Mozart (600 compositions), Thomas Edison (1093 patents) and Napoleon bonaparte (68 battle). "Exceptional achievers in almost any domain," he says," consider their endeavour their main hobby."

2) Great expectations Breed Success
Psychologist Martin E.P. Seligman discovered the profound power of optimism in a profession that could discourage even the most positive souls; life insurance sales. When he compared the personalities of trainees with their first two years' performance, he found that those who "see the glass half full" sold 37% more insurance that their pessimistic cohorts. Why? When optimists encountered tough luck, they did not feel that one or two bad days meant they would not do well in future.
   The good news, Seligan says, is that pessimists can learn to be optimists. Based on his findings, a company developed MOST, or Metropolitan Optimism Sales Training. The programme, which focuses people on how they think at work rather than what they do, was first used in 1988 by the Metropolitan Life Insurance Company. Insurance sales people have particularly strong need for positive ways of dealing with rejection. As Richard Calogero, a director of planning and research for human resources in personal insurance at Metropolital Life, explains,"Our people do a lot of coid-calling. After 20 calls, they may have only one interested client. Optimism training gives them a sort of immunity to all the turndowns". The training gives people three cognitive tools to use when things go badly at work, they are;
(i) Avoid blamming yourself for your failures
(ii) Realize that mistakes usually have only a temporary effect and
(iii) Do not let mishaps or down days infringe on other areas of your life.
 It is also important to take credit for your successes and think of them as lasting achievements that will pay off.

3) Be Mindful, Not Mindless
Rigid automatic thinking leads to what psychologist Ellen Langer calls mindlessness. "Mindlessness," she says in her book by that name,"is seeing the novel in the familiar," a kind of flexible and creative style that turns "stumbling blocks to productivity into building blocks." Langer offers wheelchair manufacturing as an example."People were making only one kind of wheelchair for year,"she says."To break out of the mindset associated with handicaps and hospitals",people who make wheelchairs "could see themselves in the transportation or the recreation business."
Mindfulness also alleviates burnout by motivating people to find innovative solitions to the same old problems. Mindless people burn out when they see their job as the same old thing. "In their single minded view," Langer explains, they think,"We have always done it this way," and they give up. With mindfulness, you know there are multiple solutions."
   In teaching people how to be mindful, Langer stresses what she calls the power of uncertainty, the need to keep your mind open to the many ways information can be understood."A belief in uncertainty leads to taking more risks,"she says, which leads to innovation.

4) Exercise for Energy
Exercise scientist Daniel lanfers points to research showing that people are in a better mood and think faster during or after exercise than at other times-- changes which increase productivity."If you perceive you have got more energy,you will approach tasks you might not otherwise think to attempt,"he says.
Exercise raises the levels of endorphins, hormone responsible for causing the sensation of euphoria, and cortisone, a hormone that creates a feeling of arousal. These changes, says endrocrinologist George Chrousos, could lead to a sense of well-being that bolsters productivity. Amount of exercise needed to generate such boost may vary upon individuals, but it probably takes a relatively vigorous activity like running or swimming 3 times a week. Apart from this aerobic exercise, stress relieving mental training like autogenics, transcendental meditation is also recommended.

5) Manage your Time
The key to organizing time or time management, is realizing whether you are mainly an organized left-hemisphere thinker or a creative right-brainer. If you like to make lists, handle details and put things back where you found them,you have a left brain orientation. If you relish talking ideas over with coworkers and keeping you are working on in sight, you are a right-hemisphere manager,says management consultant Ann McGee-Cooper.
Which ever you are, says Cooper, you should accept and work with that natural style of self-management. Most of us have learned only left-brain kinds of rules for managing time, such as,"Handle each sheet of paper only once" and "Finish one thing before you start another." That is useful advice for left-brainers, who carefully plan out each day, set their priorities and schedule everything precisely.
"But this overlooks a part of mental process, some creative people use",says Cooper. They tend to file in piles, on their desktop, rather than putting each document in a drawer as soon as they receive it. This looks like clutter to some people."But to a dominant right person, this 'mess' works as visual organization and order," Cooper says. Many of our bad habits are really"gifts that we are wearing wrong-side out."
The fact is, in some professions, and in most highly creative fields, ignoring the clock may be the best way to use time.
McGee-Cooper emphasizes the importance of what she calls brain-balance for everyone--teaching the other half's tricks to the "better half". For left-brain organizers, this could mean scheduling two or three "joy breaks" each day."Take a few minutes out for relaxation, buy some fresh flowers or call a friend," Cooper suggests.
Right brainers might choose a left-brain coach for pointers on scheduling or the use of a calendar. They also need to lighten up tasks they tend to avoid, such as paperwork, perhaps stationery or several different pens."Engineer a way to bring fun into your system,"Copper suggests.

6) Be Goal-Guided not Goal-Governed

When psychologist Richard Guzzo and his colleagues analyzed almost 100 studies of worker productivity. they found that goal-setting outdid most other techniques-- including pay raise and flex-time arrangements-- in raising the quantity and quality of work. "If you want to accomplish anything, you have to set explicit and challenging goals," says psychologist Edwin Locke, who has studied goal-setting for about 25 years. Aiming for easy or vague goals does little for productivity.

"We have found that you've got to be committed to your goals, and you have got to be convinced that the goals are important and worthwhile,"Locke says. He also suggests breaking up future objectives into weekly and daily goals, since"short term goals, make long-term goals seem more psychologically real".

Langer warns, however, that blind pursuit of any one goal may hinder the overall level or quantity of your achievement."You want to goal-guided not goal-governed,"she says, since the initial course you se to reach a goal may not turn out to be the most fruitful.

7) Take time to Play

Stephan Colarelli, a psychologist, points out that "rest and reflection" are crucial to productivity. We are obsessed with busyness, but some of the most productive public figures rook time to rest,"Wiston Churchill, for example, took one long nap almost every day, even during World War II.

Health educator Allan Luks, executive director of the Institute for the Advancement of health, offers a more recent testimonial to the benefits of relaxation:"When stockbroker Robert Lo Pinto joined the Washington,D.C., office of E.F.Hutton in 1982, he admitted having an unusual habit for a pressured stockbroker. Every morning and evening, he practiced transcendental meditation. Lo Pinto believes his superiors might have thought him strange for doing these claming 20 minute relaxation exercises, except that he became and remaind E.F. Hutton's top salesman for all brokers who started in his training group."

8) Look at your Environment

Internal factors are not the only elements that influence how much a person can get done. It is also important to consider environment. Colarelli and his friends studied 280 first-year accountants, looking at characteristics of both employess and their workplace. After a year on the job, the researchers found that work environment- the degree of decision making freedom managers gave workers, for example--had a performance than did IQs or economic backgrounds.

Simply hiring bright people does not guarantee good performance,Colarelli explains. It helps to be surrounded by competent managers and motivated coworkers, of course, but the crucial element in performance is feedback.

The right environment can even make a group of talented, poorly managed professionals who are performing below capacity shine. Even if your work environment is less than inspiring, however, there is plenty you can do personally to be more productive. A healthy lifestyle,an optimistic, flexible outlook and time management geared to your style of thinking will all help you accomplish more. Focus on the intellectual challenge of each task and draw on the enthusiasm and drive generated by the best of your coworkers. Productivity, in short, is large a personal matter--with a little help from your friends.

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Handwriting Analysis (Kid's Stuff)

Children phase is the phase which a kid learns from every actions and reactions he/she is experiencing which can be positive as well as negative too. Children are taught to write at an age when their motor control is sufficient for them to hold a pen properly and coordinate its movements. Why then should learning to write be so difficult and unpleasant? The answer: children, too, are people, with personalities that the commonly taught methods of penmanship deny. They are forced to emulate traits that are not necessarily their own, so there is a lot of room for improvement in teaching this subject. For example, many standard script alphabets unwittingly incorporate negative personality traits such as jealousy and argumentativeness. Eventually, kids will discard such behavior if it is not part of their true nature, but how much easier for everyone if these habits didn't have to be reckoned with unnecessarily.

     By contrast, a script system developed by Dr. Richard Stoller, a graphologist and psychologist, consciously tries to promote positive traits in kids in teaching them how to write.In devising the chart, Dr. Stoller removed negative traits strokes, such as jealousy loops, so that only positive children who have learned penmanship with this method.

     Unlike the many teachers in Europe who are required to study handwriting analysis, teachers in America are generally dogmatic about teaching penmanship. For one thing, boys, even in today's liberated climate, are given greater leeway than girls, who are expected to have better handwriting.

     Graphologically, there's no inherent difference between handwriting of males and females. Yet messiness in boys' script is tolerated more than in girls' because of cultural conditioning. Boys are not only permitted to express their energy more than girls in the classroom, but they simply are not geared toward good penmanship.

    As part of our culture, historically women have been encouraged to write beautifully. Beautiful penmanship was part  of a woman's accomplishments. Before World War when communicating was done chiefly by letter, they developed studied scripts as an art form. Modern grade school teachers often provide good examples of studied writing. They seem to have similar script not only because they teach penmanship but because they practiced writing impeccably on the blackboard.

   Another problem in teaching penmanship is that scrawled writing is not tolerated. But as i have mentioned earlier, scrawled writing means thoughts come faster than the writer's ability to put them down. This is true in case of adults and some children. But, for the most part, children scrawl because they are not mature or habitual of writing. In any case, they should not be pressed and if should not worry parent who are told their little Adam or Kenneth or Amanda or Stacy is a bright student but does not do well in penmanship.

(*to be contd*)

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Do your Looks Matter?

Looks, Looks and looks, or appearance is the foremost tool by which another human being judge us or vice-versa of how the person is? In the category of life's ineradicable unfairness, few things rank higher than the privileges normally accorded to those who are beautiful (or, in the case of men, handsome). We are all told especially in childhood, that looks don't matter," you can not judge a book by its cover" but by the age of 5 or 6, most of us have already learned this is merely Parent-speak, and demonstrably false. Children don't believe this, their parents don't believe this; what's more, it doesn't take long before they know their parents don't believe it. Whether it pays to be good looking is not the question. The big issue today is  whether good looks or good appearance in general really do pay off in the workplace as much as talent, experience, hard work and smarts-- especially for women. The answer to that is more ambiguous.

Where men are concerned, appearance is seldom a major issue. The last president of the United States who could lay any real claim to good looks was John.F.Kennedy, and while a certain amount of presence is desirable in a candidate, nobody seriously judges a president on looks. If Americans did, they would certainly not have elected Richard Nixon, nor Jimmy Carter, surely one of the least prepossessing political figures since Calvin Coolidge, Senators, Supreme Court Justices and governors come in all shapes and sizes.
When men are concerned, looks are secondary--which is not to say that men are not aware of them in other men. On the contrary, some short, ugly executives will surround themselves with tall, good-looking male subordinates, just for the pleasure of showing them who the actual "Boss" is, and some chief executives prefer to be represented by men whose appearance "does credit to the company," at least in positions that may involve some contact with clients, the general public or the press. But on the whole, the issue is a non-issue, if only because even thinking about whether another male executive is or is not good-looking seems to most men a slightly homosexual thought and dangerous to admit.

When it's a question of looks in the workplace, alas, we are still talking about women, as every woman knows--or fears. Women are judged by very different standards from men. When a men talk about a man's "appearance" what they really mean is how he dresses, i.e., his grooming, but when they talk about a woman's "appearance", they mean her.

In the end, in business as in the rest of life, what really matters is making the most of what we have got. Getting ahead in business ahead does not require looking like Miss Universe , but it does require an appearance of neatness, positive energy, optimism, and positive approach to work that is reflected in the way you present yourself.

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Why is your Child lying? Solve this negative personality trait

                                                 WHY CHILDREN LIE?

Most of us have gone through this personality trait known as lying or "lie" simply. We all have lied for some reason somewhere in the phases of our life and still are lying. LIE is one thing, but for the reason we are lying might be ranging from moderate to chronic. LIES can make fun sometimes but can leave a great serious impact in some cases in our life which can't be inevitable by any means.

Apart of lies done by adults, its more serious the case when a child starts to lie. Brain of children is like the smooth mud which can be shaped or modified in whatever we like. If the are being feed with negativity, they will grow accordingly, so to control and manage this negative personality trait is very important. But what lies mean to children, and why they lie, changes as they grow older.

From fairy tales to folklore, young children have generally been pictured as sweet innocents, uncorrupted speaker of pure truth. We all like to think that our own youngsters wouldn't lie, wouldn't even understand what lying is indeed and certainly wouldn't deceive us.

     Realistically, of course, most parents face the fact that their children do sometimes lie. What they may not realize is how young  this behavior can start and how it changes as children grow. Understanding these age-related changes can help everyone who deals with  children handle the problem more successfully.
Until recently, most researchers believed that 3 to 6 yrs old couldn't distinguish between unintentionally making a mistake and deliberately saying something untrue. New evidences suggest that this is wrong. By the age of 4, or even earlier, children can and will lie not simply make excuses or confuse fantasy with reality, but deliberately attempt to mislead usually to avoid punishment. For example;
Richard is an energetic 3 and half years old with an artistic spirit. One day  he decided to express his creativity on his bedroom wall with  his new crayons. To him it was a great work of art. To his mom, however, it was not a pretty picture,"Richard, did you draw on your wall?" his mom asked,obviously with anger. And due to this angry action by his mom, he simply deny ( human emotions, inclination to make conditions normal--can be seen in children too).
While young children are clearly willing and able to lie, they have their own understanding of what the  word means. Until about the age of 8, children consider any false statement a lie regardless of whether the person who said it knew it was false. Intention isn't the issue--only whether the information is false or true.

FANATICS OF TRUTH:
Although child under the  age of 6 have trouble distinguishing between unintentional and deliberate false statements, research shows that by the age of 4, children generally know that intending to mislead someone is bad. These children condemn lying more than do older children or adults. They are, as one researcher described them,"fanatics of truth". In one study, 92% of 5-years old said it is always wrong to lie. By age 11 that figure had shrunk to only 28%. Paralleling that change, 75% of the 5-years old said they never lied, while none of the 11 years old made such claim to virtue.
The same researchers asked children about different types of lies. All age groups, from 5 through 11, said that lies to avoid punishment (not admitting you spilled ink on the bedspread) are worse than white lies (telling another child you like his friend even though you don't). Altruistic lies (not telling a bully wants to beat up a younger child where the child is even if you know) were not condemned by any  age group, bu the 5-years old gave even this lie a much lower rating than did the older children. The situation that triggered the lie becomes increasingly important. By ages 10-12 and sometimes earlier, children no longer consider lying always wrong. Whether a lie is wrong depends on the situation.


PUNISHMENT AN INHIBITION:
The children 5-9 years old mentioned punishment most often. At this young age punishment is the deterrent. Less than a third of the 11-years old mentioned it, while nearly half said lying destroys trust, a consequence mentioned by few of the younger kids. Psychologist Marie Vasek got similar results in interviews with boys and girls from 6-12. The youngest children said that the main reason anyone lies is to avoid punishment. And while they thought of lying was wrong, tmhey understood why people did it.

DO OLDER CHILDREN LIE MORE?
A number of studies have asked this question, with varying results. Some researches find no change, while others report a decrease in lying with age. The studies do agree on one point, however: Less than 5% of the children at all ages lie frequently. But even this consensus has problems. One is that since the date comes from the reports of parents and teachers., it may be flawed. Perhaps young people just get better at lying as they move from childhood to adolescence, lying as much or more but less detectably.
A second problem: Even assuming the percentage of consistent liars stays the same, we're left with a question: Are these the same children at different ages---chronic liars, so to speak---or different children? We don't know. The only way to find out would be to follow the same children year after year., and that hasn't been done. All we have cross sectional studies of different children in each age group. I suspect the truth lies somewhere in the middle. For some kids, chronic lying is a phase and eventually stops. Other may continue with what becomes a fixed pattern for dealing with the world.

SUCCESSFUL LIES:
 We don't know whether children lie more as they get older, but its clear they get better at it. Young children believe adults are all-powerful. By early adolescence or earlier--perhaps by age 10 or 11--most children mhave become fairly able liers. No longer are they always betrayed by the sound of their voice, the look on their face, the blatant inconsistencies in what they say or thrie outlandish alibis. As children gain the power to mislead, parent lose the certainty they had earlier. Although they may still catch  a lie---older children, liked adults, do sometimes make some mistakes when they lie, and many lies are betrayed by an accidental discovery--parents learn that they no longer know what  their kids are thinking, feeling or planning, unless their children want them to know.

 DEALING WITH LIES:
Almost everything relating to lying changes gradually as children growm older. Their understanding of the concent of lying, their attitudes about when lying is wrong,  their ability to lie without being caught, their moral and social judgement---all of the these changes as they grow up. Two age period seem especially crucial. The first is somewhere between ages 3  and 4, when children become capable of telling a deliberate lie. This is a good time for parents to begin to educate their children about lying.
Early lying may be simply a phase, or it could develop into an undesirable lifelong pattern. You  really can not tell at the time. So if you find your child lying frequently, don't wait to see if its temporary thing. Sintead, try to find out why he or she is lying. Are you doing something which  is some way encourages or forces your child to lie? Is you child lying in response to some other problem at home? Is it the influence of friends? Whatever the cause, explain to your child why lying is harmful or just make aware of its negative consequences. If you don't think you are succeeding in eliminating this behavior, seek counselling.
Adolescence or age of puberty is the second crucial period. Some evidence suggests that both lying and peer infulence peak in early adolesence and then subside. Although there is no hard research evidence to support it, I think one reason adolescents are more successful liers is that they feel less guilt about lying to their parents or teachers. Rejecting parental values---noticing the clay feet that authority stands upon--is a common form of rebellion. For some teenagers, lying may be one way of establishing their own identity, of achieving independence--a necessary task of adolescence.
To make understand how difficult life together will be if there is no trust or belief is another way to convince the adolescents. This phase is when they become emotional too so try  this tool to get them rid off this negative personality. And also try to elaborate or describe the power of "BELIEF AND TRUST".

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KICK STRESS OUT FOR PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT (AUTOGENICS TECHNIQUES)

KICK STRESS OUT FOR PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT (AUTOGENICS TECHNIQUES)


Well stress, strain, tension, anxiety are the human emotions which we can't neglect, ignore or reject. They arise according to time and condition. Every one of use have perceived this. A classic study at Gerogetown University found that piled up stress can affect even eight-year-old, lowering IQ by as much as ten points These negative emotions are the obstacle for giving our 100 percent in whatever we do, they diminishes our performance hence decreasing the self-confidence and esteem. But, instead of taking negative, lets know the ways to kick stress busters out. But before you read this article, Please make your mind that without applying these techniques, they are not going to work for you automatically as like magical wand. I am just giving the boat, to cross the river, you are the only one to go for it. Another thing, dedication and determination are keypoint while practicing. If you master these techniques, you have made the best investments you can ever make, one that doesn't cost a cent, i.e. learn to relax and shift body states at your will. You'll add new dimensions to your life and probably some years so good luck


Introduction: Autogenics  or Self birthing is the way to relax yourself totally, totally in a sense that you can relax and control both your mind and body at the same time. It was discovered and developed by German M.D. Dr. Johannes Schultz. Although he was a medical person, he sought something more primary than symptoms based pills and surgeries to cure his patients' woes or wounds, and devised a formulas to teach them to relax and control themselves at will. After patients became adept in shifting healthy body states at will, he gave them more formulas to help them make the most of their states of mind. So, the self-birthing began. According to me and my experience, Autogenics is something like positive affirmation or auto-suggestion but with advanced methods and techniques. Autogenics not only gives us relaxation but it also accelerates learning as we all know the main block for memory, learning, concentration is STRESS which autogenics completely removes. Its like psychological gymnastics for psychological fitness. Just 10-15 minutes practicing per day can produce the desired effect sooner or later according to how much determined and dedicated you are.


Procedure: (Source: Superlearning 2000)
Choose a quite place to practice where no one will disturb you. You can assume any position in which you can relax. But, Lying down can be the best.


 Warm Up-
Imagine you are putting a "relaxation mask" over you face. This soothing mask smooths your frowns, tension, and wrinkles. Feel it from heart. All the muscles of your face relax and let go, relax and let go. Your eyelids close and rest gently. You focus your eyes on the tip of your nose. Your jaw hangs, loose with your mouth slightly open your teeth but don't touch. Put your tongue on the inner gum line of your upper teeth as if you were silently pronouncing a d or t letter.
Begin very gently with belly breathing, that is, breathing in deeply without straining in any way. As, the air flows inside, feel you abdomen fill with air and puff up. As you breath out, feel it sink in and empty out. Breath slowly and smoothly. Exhale twice as long as you inhale. With each breathing, increase the count. Inhale,2,3; exhale,2,3,4,5,6. Inhale,2,3,4; exhale,2,3,4,5,6,7,8. Start inhaling on a 1 or 2 count, then increase to 6 or 7. Do not strain. Now cycle backward down to where you started. Breath in 6, out 12. Breath in 5, out 10 and continue right upto 1.
Do this mental warm up for 2-3 minutes

1) Heaviness:
You begin by developing a pleasant feeling of heaviness in your body. Begin with your right arm. Say to yourself
- My right arm is getting limp and heavy (6-8 times).
- My right arm is getting heavier and heavier (6-8 times)
- My right arm is completely heavy (6-8 times)
- I feel supremely calm (1 time)
Open your arm and get rid of that heaviness in your arm. Bend your arm back and forth several times. Take a few deep breaths. Relax again. Scan your relaxation mask. Do the cycle again. Do this heaviness exercise, for about 7-10 minutes, two or three times a day
*Troubleshooting- If you have trouble imagining your arm is heavy, hold a heavy object with your arm and say aloud, "My right arm is getting heavier and heavier".
Do this exercise with your right arm for three days. Then continue with the same formula with your left arm for three days, both arms, right leg, left leg, both legs and arms and legs combined-- for three days each. It will be something like
-My left arm is getting limp and heavy, etc. (3 days)
-Both my arms are getting limp and heavy, etc. (3 days).
-My right leg is getting limp and heavy, etc. (3 days).
-My left leg is getting limp and heavy etc. (3 days).
-Both my legs are getting limp and heavy etc. (3 days).
-My arms and legs are getting limp and heavy etc. (3 days).


** This Heaviness exercise take three weeks. If you experience a genuine sensation of heaviness in arms and legs, you're ready for Step Two. If not then keep practicing until you get that sensation. Its better to have a firm foundation or base.

2) Warmth:
Begin with your warm-up for about two minutes. Do one cycle of Heaviness exercise for arms and legs for one minute. One you feel a sense of heaviness, begin to learn how to arouse a feeling of warmth on command: The process is same as heaviness
-My right arm is getting limp and warm (6-8 times)
-My right arm is getting warmer and warmer (6-8 times)
-My right arm is completely warm (6-8 times)
-I feel supremely calm (1 time)
*As you repeat the formula for warmth, try to imagine that you arm is very, very warm. You can put a pail of warm water in your arm or imagine a hot arm in hot sun. Follow the same pattern as like heaviness exercises. Do the right arm for 3 days, left arm, both arms, left leg, right leg, both legs, both arms and legs---all for three days each. You will master this in 3 weeks duration. After that, do this final formula summing up the first two exercises;
- My arms and legs are getting limp and heavy and warm. (6-8 times)
- My arms and legs are getting heavier and warmer. (6-8 times)
- My arms and legs are completely heavy  and warm. (6-8 times)
- I feel supremely calm (1 time).


* Between cycles of warmth formula open your eyes, move your arms and legs, and throw off the feeling of heaviness and warmth. Then invoke it again. As you mentally say the formula, visualize your arms and legs getting heavier and warmer.

3) Calm Heart:
Begin with the warm up. Repeat shortly the heaviness and warmth formula. Say each phrase 3 or 4 times. In the beginning, do this exercise lying on your back. Mentally sense your heartbeat. Sense it in your chest, throat, or wherever. If you are prone to headaches, don't feel it in your head. You may prefer to rest your right hand on the pulse point of your left wrist or even on your chest. Usually, in a relaxed state, you can feel the beat. Then repeat silently to yourself:
-My chest feels warm and pleasant (6-8 times).
-My heartbeat is calm and steady (6-8 times).
-I feel supremely calm (1 time).

* Do this exercise 2 or 3 times a day for seven to ten minutes for 2 weeks

4) Breathing:
Do the warm up. Repeat the following;
-My arms and legs are getting limp and heavy and warm (1-2 times)
-My arms and legs are getting heavier and warmer (1-2 times)
-My arms and legs are completely heavy and warm (1-2 times)
-My heartbeat is calm and steady (1-2 times)
-I feel supremely calm (1 time)
-My breathing is supremely calm (6-8 times)
-I feel supremely calm (1 time).
* Do this exercise to gain control over your breathing seven to ten minutes, two or three times a day for two weeks. You will know you've mastered it if you can climb stairs or jog and still breathe calmly and rhythmically at your own command. Instead of "supremely calm" and alternative final sentence for this exercise is:
- It breathes me (1 time)

5) Stomach:
This exercise is to help you arouse a pleasant feeling of warmth in your solar plexus--the area above the waist below the ribs.
Do the warm up. Repeat in short form the heavy/warm formula and heart and breathing formula Then add;
-My stomach is getting soft and warm (6-8 times).
-I feel supremely calm (1 time)
 *To help generate the sensation of warmth in solar plexus, you can rest your right palm on your solar plexus while doing this exercise. Gradually you will feel your solar plexus radiating warmth. Some people prefer the formula " My solar plexus radiates warmth ".
*Do this formula for seven to ten minutes, two or three times a day for two weeks. The exercise is completed when you can rouse definite warmth on command.

6) Cool Forehead:
 This exercise is for experiencing a feeling of coolness on your forehead. Do the warm-up. Repeat in short form the formula for heaviness, warmth, heart, breathing and stomach. Then say;
-My forehead is pleasantly cool. (6-8 times)
-I feel supremely calm. (1 time)
* Imagine a fresh breeze blowing on your forehead and face. If you don't feel coolness right away,stand in front of air conditioner or a fan and say aloud to yourself,"My forehead is cool".
*Do this exercise two or three times a day for seven to ten minutes for two weeks. When you definitely experience a sensation of coolness in your forehead, you've completed this Step


7) Recap:
You are now ready for final roundup formula, which is in effect graduation from Level-One Autogenics. Do the warm-up. Repeat in short form the formulas for heaviness, warmth, heart, breathing, stomach, and forehead. Then say;
-My arms and legs are heavy and warm.
-My heartbeat and breathing are calm and steady.
-My stomach is soft and warm, my forehead is cool
-I feel supremely calm.


*Repeat the final formula several times. If you've mastered the full series, you'll be able to say this once or twice and immediately achieve the pleasant, calm, stress-free autogenic state. you are in control. The ability to reach this state strengthens with regular practice. Maintenance practice is five minutes, twice a day. Whenever you need to summon this special state---whether its facing some competition, test, audition, or challenge---you simple say to yourself, "Arms and legs heavy, warm; heart and breathing calm, steady; stomach warm, forehead cool, calm. " You'll be immune to any stress, whether it's public speaking, negotiating a business contract, or taking an exam or interview....


**Apart from this proven techniques, this is just first level autogenics, second level autogenics will be published soon which can drive more potential than this**
Autogenics is a sure method to kick your stress out and relax you no matter of time, condition, mood and environment.
Wish you all best of luck and do comment me after being succeeded!

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MAGNESIUM FOR MEMORY IMPROVEMENT!

                                 MAGNESIUM FOR MEMORY IMPROVEMENT


Due to lack of memory exercises, our memory power keeps degrading not even in old age but also in young generation. The main theme for memory development is "USE IT OR LOSE IT", if we keep using our memory, it gets strengthened day per day. This is one of the reason why old peoples are complaining about memory loss.But, with a latest research published in "neuron" magazine, if adequate amount of magnesium is taken, memory power as well as congnitive abilities also increases.


This research was done in Peching Sinhwya University, Center for learning and memory by the team of Professor, Guosong Leu. They had taken mice as the medium for this research. After the investigation, they came to conclude that, increasing magnesium in diet can leads to good memory power, as they have increased this element in mice. According to research, its very necessary to have magnesium intake in food but its hard to increase the concentration of magnesium in brain with traditional methods. Therefore, the team had developed a magnesium compound known as "magnesium and threonites".


When taken in proper amount with food, this compound can increase the level of magnesium in brain. Prof. Leu says, while increasing the level of magnesium in brain, memory of old mice had also increased significantly. To control the amount of magnesium, mice were given normal foods as usual, only the level of magnesium was increased.
Apart of this analysis, human does have various tools to increase memory and concentration. People remember things according to their personality types and traits. We should always be inclined to live with stress, strain, anxiety and frustration. We can not ignore them but can manage them.
                                                                      

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Personality Disorders

                                            PERSONALITY DISORDER

Personality Disorders can be defined as the personality traits that are extreme or that cause enough difficulty in a person's life to interfere with daily functioning to the point of "disabling." It can not only effect the victim but also the surroundings he is living. It can be simple which can be treated at home or can be chronic which extends to mental illness and needs medical supervisions and allopathic medications.
Medicine defines personality disorder as--
Long-term, pervasive, inflexible patterns of thoughts and behaviors that are not well adapted or do not fit within the range of behavior considered normal. These patterns of "abnormal" thoughts and behaviors lead to significant problems in the ability to reason and/or interact with others and/or to behave appropriately.
Some of major mentall illness like depression, bipolar disorder or even schizophrenia can be taken as the chronic stage of personality disorder in humans. It can happen to anyone and anytime.

There are various types of personality disorders affecting different age groups.Some of them are summarized below:
1)Borderline Personality Disorder
2) Paranoia or Schizoid Personality Disorder.
3) Anti-social personality disorder.
4) Narcissistic personality disorder .
5) Avoidant personality disorder.
6) Dependent personality disorder .
7) Obsessive-compulsive personality disorder.

All these above mentioned personality disorder traits have their own impact and nature but as a whole they just ruined the social and personal life of the sufferer. When a loved one in your family is suffering from one of the personality disorders, the entire family is under stress. A family is like a grape: each segment is unique, but connected to make a whole. When member suffers, the entire family suffers.Giving Mood stabilizer medications is one allopathic way to make this disorder in constant form by stabilizing the mood of victim (neither letting him/her to be more excited--can leads to mania nor letting him/her to be sad---leading to depression).

Apart from medications, the sufferer needs psychological counseling  and support too. Most of the disorders which has shaped and declared as mental illness can recur if the sufferer stops to take stabilizing drugs which we should be focused and care. We can only stabilize the illness, can recognize its symptoms but can not prevent it so one must take drugs according to his/her psychiatrist.

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MEMORY TECHNIQUES

                    Memory Techniques for Holding Information In Brain

There are lots of memory techniques but all are not applicable always. In this post i am going to define some secrets on how to hold information in the brain.



 Perception
The mental pictures ( or percepts as psychologists call them) which we form of our surroundings have two main components:


(a) the material fed into the mind from the sense organs which constitutes the content of our percepts;
(b) the past experiences, interests, values, desires, etc., present in our minds which act as an interpreting device for our percepts.


For example, consider a dissection of a rabbit being viewed by a number of people. The material picked up by their eyes (i.e. (a) above) is more or less the same for all of them. How they interpret what they see will vary according to the differences suggested in (b) above.
(i) a small child might see it as dull and useless;
(ii) its mother might be revolted at the spectacle;
(iii) its father might be morbidly interested to get some idea of what a human being is like inside;
(iv) a student just starting biology might marved at what he sees but be overwhelmed by the wealth of information before him;
(v) an experienced student can be selective, see systems and recognize organs at a glance; to him organization is clear and important points stand out;
(vi) an expert or vet. can at once see variations from normal and can probably imagine their origin and effects.


From this is follows that each new experience we have is not interpreted only according to its own content but also according to our attitudes, interests and understanding of the material. In order to increase efficiency in study it is necessary to perceive clearly, accurately and slectively. Students should therefore get the following points clearly in mind.


(a) give themselves as many of the right sort of experiences as possible, i.e, read widely, practice techniques, discuss their subjects with other people. Remember that the more one knows of a subject, the clearer one;s perspective and the easier and more accurate one's selection;
(b) develop a scientific attitude in all they do. This consists basically of attacking problems in an analytical way, looking for evidence and demanding proof. It involves constantly making a conscious effort to overcome personal prejudice and to attempt to establish the truth by clear reasoning and, where possible, by experiment;
(c) adapt their values and interests to the demands of the disc discipline in which they are working.
These are some of the memory techniques for holding information to the brain. More tips will be available in another post.

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Role of Mind In Study

                                           ROLE OF MIND IN STUDY

Introduction:
The "mind" is a convenient term used to describe the sum of processes going on in the brain. These activities all interact and are interdependent. To examine any one of them in isolation is, of course, artificial. Nevertheless, at the present state of psychological knowledge it is the most convenient and practicable approach to use. Here we are simply selecting some of the major mental processes which are fundamental to our discussion of term "study" and role of mind in study.


Picking up information:


1. The need for "Attention"
Vast quantities of the information from inside and outside of one's body are constantly falling on one's sense organs. from this information one's brain builds up a mental picture of the situation in which one is. Far more information is available to the brain at any one time that can possibly be coped with. Consequently the brain must be selective as to what it accepts. This active selection by the brain is called "attention". One only learns easily what one attends to.


2. To what does on attend?
There are two main types of information which human beings select to build into their mental pictures:


(a) Biologically important experiences which enable the person to say alive and cope with his surroundings, i.e, information suggesting the presence of danger, or the satisfaction of bodily needs. This type of experience also attracts attention in animals. The main characteristics of it are:
(i) unusual stimuli (applications in learning situations, e.g. underlined sentences in a textbook; a word min block capitals, colored words or letters among white writing on a blackboard);
(ii) very strong stimuli (e.g. an emphasized word; a bright color);
(iii) changing stimuli (e.g. flashing lights;movement; a gesture). These stimuli are very important in attracting attention but are of limited value for work involving long periods of concentrated study.


(b) Human beings have developed another form of attention which is very important in study. We pay attention to that which interests us. By "interest" psychologists mean "worthwhileness" (not necessarily pleasantness or entertainment). It is easy to learn an item which interests you, e.g. tune that you like, a fact which is important, a pretty face, are all easily attended to and quickly committed to memory. Obviously, then, the arousal and maintenance of interest is of great importance in stimulating or attracting attention, and, as stated above, one only learns easily that to which one has attended.


3. Arousing interest:
The problem frequently arises,"how do you make yourself interested in something in which you are not?" If you find all your studies uninteresting you should not be taking them at college. If you are compelled to study one subject which is far less interesting to you that the rest of your course try the following general techniques:


(a) Be as active as possible in the subject, i.e. talk about it, read about it, think about it. As a general rule subjects become much more interesting when you understand them. The common tendency among students to neglect difficult and uninteresting work simply aggravates the problem.


(b) Learn from as many sources as you can. Often a change of approach, a new textbook, a discussion with a different teacher will clear up many of the difficulties you are experiencing.


(c) Constantly practice integrating new information into that which you already know, i.e. think up new relationships and explanations. Never learn in a "parrot-fashion".


(d) Try to see the difficult subject in perspective in relation to yourself, the rest of your studies, your future career, the social situation.


Many, if not all, students sometimes come across a problem or topic which it is essential for them to master but for which they can work up no enthusiasm. A short burst of concentrated work will probably clear the task, but how does one get down to it? Bear the following points in mind:


(a) Convince yourself that the task is worth while, e.g. for understanding other parts of the course, for passing an examination, etc.


(b) Limit and define the problem carefully.


(c) Settle yourself in a congenial atmosphere with a minimum of distractions.


(d) Remember that starting work is much more difficult than continuing once you are under way.
These are some of the key points of what role is our mind have for studying

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